Died Alone
by Hitomisure
Summary: [Oneshot] He's so pain with his feeling of hopless in everything inside. Kanda, the great swordman who always was stronge in front of everyone was shattered and broken inside. Who'd help him? Who'd bring him to become alive, again.


**A/N: **Hey, everyone! I'm come back again with my new fic! I'm crazy with this Anime, lately. I'm quite surprised that our D.Grey Man Zone hasn't many fic! This Anime is good! And, there're so many and uncountable Websites. So, why, I don't know. Because of that, I don't expect I would get many Review but sure, it's good if I get. And, thanx first for everyone who come in and read this fic. I hope you all like my first D.Grey Man fic.

**About my fic**

I create it up in a second I think about Kanda and incident in chapter 87 that how it'd be if Kanda's taken his heart away like Tiky almost does to Allen. No, I just think about it and drop this part inside but the main point still isn't it. I just try to see how it's if he thinks and feels this way. And, yes!! Credit for every Ravi x Kanda-sama fan! Ravi's the one to help him!! (Anyone dare touch his Kanda-sama, they're surely dead!! Buwhahahahahah!!)

So, it looks like I write it just for express character's feeling and thought, no more than that, and that make this story is one-shot. I don't plan to write this in long story. Maybe, I'll do if I have any idea to write.

It's Shounen ai rate, so don't worry that you'll find any dangerous motion inside. (I'm sure dead if Kanda-sama gets me when I do.)

**Warning!**

This langue isn't my first langue, so don't blame and comment anything about my skill but you sure can tell me where I'm wrong or mistake, so I can fix it. I'm trying to improve my skill.

Hn? Ask, than why I use this it to write? It's because I learn it as second langue in my country and I really love it.

**Now! Please, enjoy reading my fic!!**

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"Talk"

_Thought_

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**Fanfiction**

**Project : D.Gray Man**

**Died Alone**

It's just simple day like the other. And, it's very usual that tall figure with black long beautiful hair came to standing on the tower of The Order. Just this time of everyday, pair of sapphire eyes would look up at the dark sky. Only tonight, everything beneath and down on the ground was covered with fallen icing snow.

Just only one hope he always prayed to the unseen wishing star that he'd finally find the one he kept seeking for a long time. It's always like the same that everywhere he went for mission or not, he still couldn't find that one. Just how long he had to wait. Just how long he had to bear and hold this helpless and disappoint feeling.

Pal hand lifted up to tighten black office Exorcist coat around the shoulder. Again, white bandage was wrapped around the chest and stomach. It just covered and hid his wound from everyone. But, it also showed everyone how weak he was. Why?

Just only flash minute he slipped his eyes from that Mikk guy, he's taken his heart away. He'd just die at that time but he wasn't. Whatever, that's not the point and the big deal when he could create a new one later. The unforgivable thing and real crisis was how he let it happen. It's mean he's that weak? He's ever weaker than that Beansprout? No! He couldn't believe that. He just couldn't.

Maybe. Just maybe, that's why he couldn't find that one? Because, he's still weak and wasn't worth enough, right? Someone, please, just told him.

"I hate everything. I hate…….Myself."

Tight lips parted to bitterly chuckle. What had he just said and thought? Than, why he wasn't just died. He'd so many uncountable chances, but he still struggled to stay alive like this. He's just so stupid. Very stupid. So, that's why he kept fighting for some rare chance would come and his un-human healing ability finally couldn't interfere. Yet, if he'd that chance, the others would never let him. _**Especially those orange-red head and Beansprout.**_

"They're irritated."

"And, that's because of whom?"

New voice was heard at the same time the owner appeared on black stick and jumped down on the small place behind the swordman.

"End up here, again, Kanda." Careless motion of the other made him sigh. "You forget that you haven't perfectly healed?" He said in talk more than question tone.

"Why did you care, idiot?"

"Yu, we already got over with this talk and you knew the reason that because we're friend. So, don't bring it up, again."

Ravi just called the shorter one's given name without afraid of death. Why he'd when he's always the only one who did that and had been alive till now. Beside, the name owner was too tired to threaten him every time and always quitted later.

Small black and white hammer was smaller and rolled in the air before was kept back in its place.

"What do you want?"

The beautiful long hair one just asked carelessly and slid down to sit leaning against cool hard tower's wall. The other just shrugged and sat beside him. He easily ignored that familiar death glare and wrapped his long scarf around the hidden shiver one's neck.

"You're not alone, Yu. And, you surely don't' jump down for leaving this world."

The second sentence was said in amusing tone. Though, future Bookman said first sentence seriously, he just knew this arrogant one didn't believe him. But, what else he could say, he didn't know and maybe he didn't want to.

"Look like I'll?"

"Come here." The smaller frame surprisingly let him lean his head down to lay on his chest and hugged him. "Hear my heart's race?"

Kanda's just silent and gave small nod for his answer. He knew the other just wanted to help. It's always helpless when he never believed those soothing words, no matter what anyone would say. But, he didn't have any reason to argue or stop this guy from doing it, so he just let him did whatever he wanted. Though, sometime, it's really irritated.

"That's mean I'm still alive and feel fresh in front of you, here and now. So, please, don't be so selfish and die alone. You'd just worthlessly leave us. Leave the ones you called nobody and the special one you're looking for. You just…..leave me." The used to be amused guy couldn't stop and sobbed silently.

"Please, just for once that's enough."

Though, arms around the silent one was too tight, he seemed didn't mind and let it be like that. His emotionless eyes just closed and leaned in to place forehead on slight shaking left shoulder. The vision and meaning of the Ravi's words appeared in their mind.

That time, after fighting with that puzzled Mikk guy, Kanda just laid and soaked with his own blood. It's not from his absent-heart place but from his fight with this guy before. While he's just laying lifelessly like that, he still perfectly heard angry sound of everyone that shoved at his killer. And yes, he could hear sobbing and protest sound for him to stay alive. His unmoving and blank dull eyes just saw only pair of tear emerald one above them. The owner was protesting and pushed him to live.

Ravi's just and idiot that couldn't bear the pain of losing him and let him leave everyone alone like that. The words and motion were just like this time they're together on the high dark tower of The Order, now.

"You asked something impossible, moron."

Kanda whispered harsh words in soft and gentle tone. The other did know his hidden meaning inside as he finally smiled. But, it's still a bitter and painful smile he never let anyone saw but this harsh arrogant swordman.

"But, I still have my right to hope, ne?"

Bigger hand placed on the smaller one that was unconsciously put over mystery black tattoo, on the left chest.

"As long as, you're still alive. I'll never give in my hope."

The turn-back-to-smile one said last two sentences and everything turned to silent. Just only this night for them to stay peacefully together. They could feel each other that they're still fresh and alive until next mission would come and tear everything of them away, even their life.

The future Bookman didn't know the other would think like him or not. Maybe, he wasn't. He just prayed inside with a kid's easy wish that would never come true.

……_Just…..For them……. _

…_..Please, stay and live together like this, forever, Yu….. _

…**. – END - ….**


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